I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
