yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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