If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize