I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Actions speak louder than pants.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
