Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
