If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
