Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
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