Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
