Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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