you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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