My brain says no but my pants say off.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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