I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
