You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
