I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
