No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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