Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
