you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
