you guys were way drunker than both of me
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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