So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
