good thing vaginas are great cup holders
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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