This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
