Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
no, he came in my armpit
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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