remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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