The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
