i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
