Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
