Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
