Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
