you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
