; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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