i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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