idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It's never too late to be topless.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
