Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize