She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
