either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
