Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
