apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
