At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
