Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
