epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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