ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I am available for nakedness
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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