Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
