my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
