Me. At least after what I've been through.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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