Three words: puerto rican gang bang
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
