I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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