i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
