we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
