For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
