You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize