we made out on top of his cat.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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