i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
