Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
