You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
