i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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