Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
