He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
