His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
