TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
