i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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