My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Is it penis luge time yet?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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