Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
