he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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