They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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