My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
