Quick, to the slutcave!
He passed out mid-signature
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
