I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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