so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
