So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
