I wish my penis had an off switch
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
