Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
