I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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