ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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