I got chris browned last night
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize
