This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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