my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
ugly people sure do ruin things
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
