and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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