its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
