I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
