Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
