Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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