I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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