I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
