Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
