Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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