"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
