Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
