I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
