So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
my nose is crying tears of wow.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
