fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
