During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
