very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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