i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
