I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i out mim tonsoeep
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