I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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