Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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